When most of us think of marriage we see the unification of two people, vowed to be faithfully together for all of eternity. However, we are blind to the reality of polygamy, and the fact that it out numbers monogamous marriages in the United States by the hundreds (Grabianowski). It is possible that this may come as a shock to most because these societies, or more politically correct term cults, live in secrecy, distant from cities so that their practices may go uninterrupted. Understandably, how many polygamist marriages exist in the past or present time can not be correctly stated because of this fact. What is more appealing is why people choose to be in cults and what are the negative outcomes.Although polygamy is most often referred to as part of the Mormon religion, the Mormon church has never directly associate with it. The confusion may come from the fact that the idea of having multiple spouses was one from the creator of the Mormon religion, Joseph Smith Jr. He then shared this secret custom with his fellow Mormons who then adopted it. Ironically, as the person who wrote The Book of Mormon, he did not decide to include this practice in the book. I question his decision to do this because it is said that Joseph Smith was a man who takes his messages from God very seriously; so if it was one why would he leave this out? Is it possible that he knew this was not a message from God but a desire of his own, and maybe he could not deal with the guilt of actually including it. Smith claimed that he had a revelation that to become a king in Heaven a man must have multiple wives; to be a god in heaven a man must have a minimum of three wives, and if one takes on more than seven they are guaranteed the position of a god (Smith himself had 48 wives). Also, if a woman declines a marriage proposal into a polygynistic family they would be denied entry into heaven (Grabianowski).
The basis of a polygamist cult is the “eternal way of priesthood in which God himself places his nature into the man.” Women will never hold the holy priesthood, and they may only gain its presence through a husband or their father if they are not wedded. Brigham Young, the successor of Joseph Smith Jr., states that every desire and ambition shall be to the benefit of the husband, wives must pray for their husband every time they enter the room and every time he leaves it. The perfect life for a woman is said to be gained by her submission to her husband, and “the way you let him rule over you” (Salt Lake Tribune). If I were to be a woman in this predicament, I would feel like this “known law” means that I am not worthy of respect or care, and that my opinions or emotions do not matter; they must be faked for the betterment of my husband’s emotion. I am sure, from the interviews I have read, that this is a true feeling felt by most of the women in these situations, and it is clear why.
In this same article it is stated that this “priesthood government” must conduct their behavior through love and never force, yet, many of those that have escaped from polygamist cults display the complete opposite. In Townsend and O’Brien’s article, interviews were taken with young girls who have escaped and lived to tell of the grotesque actions that happened inside one of these cults. Both tell horrific stories of mind control, abuse, rape, and what it is like to live every day in fear. They watched as their young siblings were married off to much older men. In Townsend’s article, she shares the story of a girl who ran away at the age of fourteen and left nineteen mothers, and seventy-four siblings behind. The young girl named Sara states that her motivation to leave was from how tired she was of watching her sisters be pulled out of middle school “to be married to men they didn't know. She dreaded a similar fate.”
On the other hand, is the desperate lengths elderly men take to exile young men in the communities so there is less competition in marrying teenage girls. In a majority of the arrangements, teenage girls are placed with men over the age of fifty. Since any form of polygamy is banned in the United States, the marriage ceremonies are held in a church but no marriage license is issued (Grabianowski).
When men were arrested for being caught engaging in such illegal actions, and taken to court they commented that they do no understand why it is banned. They say that there is no explanation to why they could be looked down on so harshly when “they are only living their religion” (Bramham). I’m not sure if it is the sexist in me coming out, but when I read this I wanted to lash out, I wanted to say “how is being abusive, self-absorbed and collecting women as if they are possessions part of your religion?” In what religion does God ask you to be higher or equal to what he is? Every religion states that the followers must only worship that one God, why do they feel differently with their practices and their vision of what God wants?
In Living in Polygamy, Irene Spencer’s story parallels with that of Sara’s. Irene says she lived in misery for dozens of years because she was afraid to leave. She links this fear to the way she was brain washed into thinking that she would be sent to hell if she did. She wrote a book about her life as a polygamist where she states that, "I finally realized that all those years I was threatened with hell, but I was already living it" (Garza). I am amazed with the tone Spencer takes in this powerful quote, because it would seem that after years of being forced into submission she would not be so confident and assertive of her feelings.
Among the difficulties of pondering the idea of escaping, are the complications and misery of having to remain in the cult when desiring a different lifestyle. Those who have previously been in polygamist cults claim the same issues of that way of life: loneliness, poverty, jealousy and the arranged marriages at such a young age. With so many wives the obvious problem is how one husband could allot his time equally to every wife and child. Spencer states that every time she saw her father he would either ignore her or if he addressed her he would always first ask “what is your name and who is your mother?” (Garza).
On the other side of the spectrum wives are feeling the same neglect, jealousy is a frequent issue so sometimes families will create a schedule that regulates which nights the husband sleeps with each wife (Grabianowski). The wives must hide these jealous, and bitter feelings though because one law in every polygamist cult is that a sister wife can never correct or criticize another sister wife. When they do they are accused of stepping above their husband and then they have lost the “oneness with god”.
Those who vow to live in the way of the priesthood for all of their lives feel that, “if you are not for me, you are against me. If you are not with me, you will scatter abroad” (Salt Lake Tribune). This powerful statement helps us understand why so many people who want to escape do not, they know they will never be able to connect with their relatives again and they will be forever exiled. In the case of Irene’s story, she states that she still feels like she has failed her family by leaving, and questions her entry to heaven. Among these fears, the women who want to escape are handicapped in the way that they have been deprived of a proper education, and hold no job experience so life outside of their secret community.
Also, one of the largest obstacles that every family must deal with is poverty. With so many wives and children (some families totaling over a hundred offspring), it is hard for enough funds to be provided by the man when women are usually not allowed to work so there is an economic struggle. The benefit of being the first wife is the ability to collect social security. For the other wives and children to fill the gap they must try and receive as much welfare as possible, many times committing welfare fraud. Colorado City, Arizona, a large area for polygamist colonies, suffers greatly from severe poverty and the strain that is put on the welfare system. Along with the assortment of hardships Irene Spencer faced, she also had to live in sever poverty for twelve years, where she did not have electricity for any one of those years and had to roam the streets for garbage to feed her many children.
There are many negative outcomes with the choice to be in a polygamous marriage, but most people do not choose it, instead they are born into that way of life and it is all they know. Although we still may not understand their beliefs, it is necessary that we take a biased point of view when hearing the stories of what they do struggle with. The abuse, jealousy, and poverty is only a glimpse into their everyday hardships, but now it is harder to criticize their beliefs knowing what they go through to abide by their religious beliefs.
Bibliography
Bramham, Daphne. (2009). Landmark cases begin long slog through courts; One of the two men accused in prosecution that will test polygamy law claims he's only just 'living' his religion. The Vancouver Sun,A.4. Retrieved November 2, 2009, from ProQuest Newsstand.
Garza, Jennifer. (2007). Living in polygamy. Knight Ridder Tribune Business News. Retrieved November 2, 2009, from ProQuest Newsstand.
Grabianowski, Ed. "How Polygamy Works." 31 May 2006. HowStuffWorks.com.
O'Brien, Barbara. (2008). Horrific memories of abuse :Years after fleeing polygamist sect at 14, woman tells rare tale. Buffalo News,B.1. Retrieved November 2, 2009, from ProQuest Newsstand.
"Specific duties and counsel to the mothers . . .." Salt Lake Tribune (2007): n. pag. Web. 2 Nov 2009.
Townsend, Amanda. "Girl, 14, fled abuse, 'mind control' of polygamy." (2007): n. pag. Web. 2 Nov 2009. http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/09/11 fleeing.polygamy.hammon/index.html
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